The Female Perception of Me

I've been getting some glowing reviews on my online dating profile. It never ceases to amaze me how distrusting women are toward any guy who even attempts to be nice to them in any way. I wonder if Dr. Drew or Ann Landers had these types of issues at the beginning.

I figured I'd share a few of my favorite top contenders for a future "Crazy Cat Lady of the Year" award, based on their awkwardness when presented with the kindness of a stranger. In no particular order, the nominees are:

"Hey Brian. I appreciate the thought but I'm not interested. To be honest, the way your present yourself comes off very condescending, insecure, arrogant, and almost clinically narcissistic. Maybe my first impression is off, but I'm not bored enough to find out. Thanks anyway. Have a great weekend."  - Inked_Idealist, 28, Gilbert

"You're pathetic! Somehow I dont think I need dating advice from you when I get 200+ emails a day from men who dont have a problem with my profile..." - FashionPRgirl, 35, Scottsdale

"Yeah.... You pretty much repeated what I just said, but in more words." - AZ_Angel_, 22, Phoenix

"I am not looking for a fuck buddy. So based on what your looking for we will not mesh well. I was saying good luck because maybe some girl out there is actually paying for a site to get laid just like you." - HappyLayne, 25, Tempe

"Wow, I dont know why you sought me out to write a ridiculous email but youre an asshole." - TiffanyRose1026, 25, Peoria

About the Author - Brian Penny creates music under the name Mr. Versable. He tweets under the name @Versability. He believes in true love[Image], and won't rest until he's found his...oh, and his last blog cost Bank of America a whole lotta dough although I'm not pointing fingers, but the typos weren't mine...! Peace and love! haha ;)

Dating for the Flat Broke

Are you broke? I know I am. One thing the condition affords me is an abundance of time to think about and plan strategies to resolve all of the little problems we encounter in our daily lives. 

One of the biggest issues I've been facing lately is maintaining a sustainable love life while being essentially broke (as well as supporting the Anonymous boycotts of Paypal and Visa). A lot of what I saw online was either generalized or just too corny to come off as natural. They reeked of effort.

So, my dear readers, I'm going to give you a free version of a classic date idea that is sure to leave a lasting first impression. Whether it's good or bad depends on your execution and her sense of humor:

Dinner 

Now obviously there's plenty of cheap ways to do this at home, but what if staying in isn't always an option? 

If you're over the age of 16, taking her anywhere for fast food is just not acceptable. There's the obvious picnic idea, but with the hell on earth that the US is quickly becoming in this sweltering summer heat, even that won't work. Also unless you're a positive person (which I understand can be difficult when you're scraping by), you can feel corny trying such an old fashioned routine, which is no good. You have to remember that every date counts, and if you're nervous, it can spoil the mood. This is why I recommend The Warehouse Walk.

The Warehouse Walk entails going to your local warehouse wholesale store (e.g. Costco, Sam's Club) and walking up and down the aisles eating their free samples. Don't act like you've never done it. The beauty in the date is in it's simplicity in solving all of the minor nuances facing us during these economic times whilst (it was on my Word-A-Day toilet paper, leave me alone) imparting a good impression.

On one hand you are getting out of the house, allowing you to conserve electricity. You are also going somewhere indoors to beat the heat. You can easily walk 4-5 miles by weaving through the aisles without even noticing it, all the while getting the opportunity to see how the other person acts in a variety of scenarios:

Are they good around kids? 

Do they have a wandering eye? 

Can they keep their cool in crowds?

How do they interact with other people?

etc

Will she think it's corny? About as corny as a picnic, but at least you'll be in an air conditioned warehouse instead of underneath the blazing heat of the sun. While you're there come up with funny ways to approach each sample person. Act like you've never heard of a meatball. One of you distract the worker while the other sneaks a few extras. They don't mind. They're free. The point is, be creative and own the role. The fact of the matter is the activity itself doesn't matter. She just wants to see that you put in a little effort for her.

Entertainment

We're so used to hearing and saying the term "Dinner and a Movie" as a classic date idea, but this creates a box around your imagination so get rid of it. Sure there are plenty of movies you can get for free or cheap, but life is about experiencing, not watching...not that there's anything wrong with the occasional night in snuggling on the couch watching a movie. What you need to do though, is start viewing the idea as "Sustenance and Entertainment" to allow more ideas into the mix.

My personal favorite form of entertainment on a date is again a walk. I find walking around a few city blocks tends to open up any number of adventures. I also like to take walks on my own anyway, so it cuts out some of my workout time, which can be a good or bad thing depending on my mood. Enough about walks though, because you've already done the Warehouse Walk. You could both use some time to relax. My suggestion:

It's summertime, so the chances are good there's an amateur baseball, softball, or volleyball game going on in a park near you. Head out and find one. I would recommend watching the game from your car if possible. This will give the date a feeling of being alone together in a crowd, which is a sensation she'll appreciate. 

If you do mingle with the crowd, pick a team and support them. Don't flip-flop between the 2 (especially not at a little league game. Some of those parents can get serious) and don't just sit silently. She needs to see you take charge, make decisions, and how you handle adversity.

Just to jump on a tangent right here, I do need to say this - Whatever you do and wherever you go, be who you are when she's not around. If you're the type of guy that'll hit the belligerent drunk guy in the stands, then hit the belligerent drunk guy in the stands. If you like to hide behind the bleachers and throw ice at people, then do it! Don't hold back on her account. 

She wants to see who you are, and you never know what she'll be into. It's better she walk away after only one date than spending a lifetime annoyed at her because she doesn't like who you are because you hid it from her in the beginning. Always be proud of who you are.

Anyway the bigger point is this - be creative. This is just one example of a date. There's a whole world out there to experience, and you don't need money. Break free of that mindset. If you can think freely, you can act freely...

...now go out there and do...

About the Author - Brian Penny creates music under the name Mr. Versable. He tweets under the name @Versability. He believes in true love[Image], and won't rest until he's found his...oh, and his last blog cost Bank of America a whole lotta dough although I'm not pointing fingers, but the typos weren't mine...! Peace and love! haha ;)

What People Are Really Thinking - Dating 7/20/11

The below is an unscripted and mildly edited (for identity sake) email excerpt from my dating project. 

Each time, I ask the woman directly up front to tell me what problems she's been having in her love life, letting her know I would provide an honest answer from my heart.

July 16 

She said:

Im interested in your point of view. But I'd like to point out I'm not waiting for someone to sweep my off my feet by any means. I'm on here just to meet people. I doubt I'll even find anyone on here. I'm new to this city and thought it'd be a way to meet people outside of work. Not every girl just wants a guy to sweep them off their feet.

RE:

Technically every girl does want a guy to sweep them off their feet...just not always right now. Sometimes a girl wants to be in control, sometimes lose it (sometimes as safely as possible, and sometimes recklessly depending on luck), etc, etc. I'm a pretty keen student of the human condition.

Anyway, just from what I can get about you in your profile, I imagine you don't go places alone often (restaurants, movies, etc), and when you do, you're usually reserved, but polite. If you're just looking to build your circle of friends/interests, the only thing I can warn you about is getting too attached to more than 1 or 2 people. To build up confidence and fast track your way past the shy part of you as quick as possible, just hang out with people 2 times max before moving on. It sounds mean, but seriously, it has to be done or you'll find yourself stuck real quick, as a lot of my peers are now finding out when their 20's get pulled out from underneath them in the form of a divorce or layoff.

Long story short, guys are attracted to T&A, girls are attracted to confidence. If you ever need a way to judge a man's character, ask him what he does or what he wants to do with his life. If he can't give you a spirited answer (preferably concise and not boring), then don't even bother with him. It's never a bad thing to expect a guy to have ambition and passion in life. If he can't tell you what he wants out of life, then he wouldn't know what to do with you anyway.

Unfortunately most smart guys (and subsequently most piece of shit con artists) know that all they need to be is funny and confident at all times and can give a false positive, so always trust your instinct. It's easy to lie to a girl mostly because if she likes you enough, she'll overlook it temporarily anyway. You're young, hot, and probably get called "exotic" by every idiot and his brother, so I'm sure you're good at picking up on bullshit.

That's pretty much the basics of this so called "game" everyone talks about. I'd give you the birds and the bees, but you'd fall in love, and I seriously am not leaving my house for anyone...I just don't have the time.

About the Author - Brian Penny creates music under the name Mr. Versable. He tweets under the name @Versability. He believes in true love[Image], and won't rest until he's found his...oh, and his last blog cost Bank of America a whole lotta dough although I'm not pointing fingers, but the typos weren't mine...! Peace and love! haha ;)

What People Are Really Thinking - Dating 7/16/11

The below is an unscripted and mildly edited (for identity sake) email excerpt from my dating project. 

Each time, I ask the woman directly up front to tell me what problems she's been having in her love life, letting her know I would provide an honest answer from my heart.

July 16 

She said:

A man 32 y.o is not sure he wants to marry or be with a woman, however, still says he wants to take long trips up north, loves this person, would do anything literally for her, makes love not sex with her and the list goes on. Now I know some would say that I'm stupid and that he is playin with my head but lets think about it... why would he still be wasting HIS own time for the past year. I trust him completely, he has not dated nor been with anyone else. 

RE:

Ok, so there's a couple of different things to understand with your situation. I'll start with the difference between me, my best friend, and my roommate and then show you how it's universal so you can hopefully figure it out with the guy...and by the way, if he's been a nice guy for a year, why is SHE on Match.com, eh? ;)

Two years ago, my roommate, my best friend, and I were all in relationships (obviously with other people, stay with me here). Today we are all single, on different paths, and with different priorities. Each relationship had it's issues and ended in a different way:

My GF & I met the summer after high school. We moved to Phoenix together and lived together for almost 10 years, although we never considered marriage. She even got an abortion the one time I got her pregnant (I wasn't given any option, although I did have to pay for it...but this isn't the forum for that topic, haha). I was a great guy for the first 2-3 years. After that, I spent more and more time focusing on my future, and less on her. 

We began arguing more and more, and everything we did annoyed each other. After a while, I caught her cheating on me and kicked her out. We were fuck buddies for a few months, and I haven't talked to her since.

My best friend's fiance just left him 2 months ago (it's still pretty fresh for him, so it makes me feel better getting to see how far I truly progressed emotionally), and for 3 straight days he had me convinced she disappeared into the night without saying anything. He finally admitted what she said was that he doesn't listen. My friend...I love him to death, lives his life completely by the book. 

He doesn't realize that he's that boring guy, because that boring guy always looks so boring when you see him from the outside...on the inside, however, it turns out the boring guy doesn't realize he's boring...he just thinks HE's bored...mundane right? She couldn't stand it. I remember going places with all of our friends and he would be so focused on acting correctly in public (it's an Asian thing), that he would rarely listen to her. 

Unfortunately, I was born with the curse of situational awareness, which means I'd always hear her, feel bad, and talk to her. She always made jokes about him not listening, and you could tell it was going to bubble over sooner or later. One thing about women I always appreciated was that you people do not lose your spirit, courage, motivation, drive, determination, etc, as easily as a guy does. That's actually one of the reasons I'm packing up and getting out of Dodge. Anyway, she finally reached an age (early 30's) where she couldn't decide whether or not she wants to settle, so she had to separate herself from the situation to really figure out her life.

Sorry this is so long, but the right answers always are, haha. So my roommate had the perfect gf. By this I mean they met at a restaurant when all he had was his passion. She also stuck by him when he lost his job, was sleeping on my couch, and wasn't going to school. She would've married him, had a family with him, and did anything for him.

He, on the other hand, didn't want to move settle down with anyone unless it was Jessica Alba (his words). He is also the type of guy that always sticks by his childhood friends. He's the one you call at 4am when you can't get a hold of anyone....and he's that guy for 50 people. He also saves everything for a rainy day, clothes, money, tools, electronics, etc. You know the kinda guy. So, last year, she told him she wanted a break. Two months later, she was pregnant with another man's child, and he was devastated. 

So here's the universal point of all 3 of those tales...in each scenario, the girl saw a spark of passion in the guy. The guy (call it wanting to get laid if you want to be cynical), was willing to consider her dreams alongside his to a certain point. Each guy still maintained his "single" focus as a separate entity from his "relationship" focus for one reason or another, letting the girl into our present, and even sharing some of our past, but never truly being able to accept a future with her.

The point is he may be a great guy, and he may treat you right, but you'll always be second place to him. If you're willing to accept that, then that's up to you, but personally, I would NEVER accept that. That's me though. I'm a risk taker. What you do with your life is up to you :)

About the Author - Brian Penny creates music under the name Mr. Versable. He tweets under the name @Versability. He believes in true love[Image], and won't rest until he's found his...oh, and his last blog cost Bank of America a whole lotta dough although I'm not pointing fingers, but the typos weren't mine...! Peace and love! haha ;)

The Way It Is

Love isn't a battlefield
It's an endless ocean of negotiation
Punctuated by expressions of sexual frustration
Sometimes passionless
Sometimes happy
Sometimes resembling your vision of family


Hope's neither wish nor dream
But the lifeblood of both
Stolen from the hearts of the old
Through industrial sleight of hand
Woven through government-issued coats


Life is a feeling
Researched by many, but experienced by few
Intersecting through passages of time
Appearing at will to those brave enough to jump
While gently flowing past those who look either direction before the leap


Time is the most precious commodity
That which can never be returned
Leaked through departmentalized tasks
of Zombies...
Fonzi's...
Ponzi's ...
Daddy's and Mommy's...
Regrets and Promises...


Love isn't the battlefield...
It's our weapon.


About the Author - Brian Penny creates music under the name Mr. Versable. He tweets under the name @Versability. He believes in true love[Image], and won't rest until he's found his...oh, and his last blog cost Bank of America a whole lotta dough although I'm not pointing fingers, but the typos weren't mine...! Peace and love! haha ;)

She A-muses Me

On an island surrounded by zombies, I met a girl. The strangest part about her thus far is that she too found strength within open vulnerability. Although we express it in different ways, I can see it in her eyes that she's capable of thinking.


Her mind like a shotgun
Wit cuts like a chainsaw
Mami's a survivor


We're aware of the temporary situation that exists as closeness between us. We both understand that all of our mutual roads will be fleeting, if not repeating. We continue reaching through the fog to feel out the path to each other's light, curious how to proceed.


Although we are automatically bound by the situation we find ourselves in, we still approach each other with the caution afforded to strangers before allowing them into your heart and memories. Trust can not be given nor received. It must be earned mutually. We follow each other's voice with a wary anticipation found mostly in the heart of the young, for it is squelched in our peers and held at unreachable heights from the longing thoughts of our elders, who find themselves mentally aware at a time when they are physically not.


We both know love exists, but can it be rationed if it can be neither defined nor measured? Is it worth finding out? Who's worthy of the experiment?


...we shall see, dear friends...we shall see...

About the Author - Brian Penny creates music under the name Mr. Versable. He tweets under the name @Versability. He believes in true love[Image], and won't rest until he's found his...oh, and his last blog cost Bank of America a whole lotta dough although I'm not pointing fingers, but the typos weren't mine...! Peace and love! haha ;)

Anonymous Experience

While the majority of my peers slept through courses "irrelevant" to their chosen career path, such as US Government and World History, I instead dreamed what it must've been like to have been the people in the stories. We look back on US patriots such as Paul Revere with such, pardon the word play, reverence now, but how often do you think about how he was viewed by his community at the time?

You see...Paul Revere participated in a dangerous mission against the tyranny of the government that was imposing upon both himself and his neighbors. He was willing to take a stand, and in doing so took a risk so great and so pivotal that over 200 years later, children still speak his name. I daresay there is not a citizen of the United States of America that would not consider Paul Revere to be a shining example of a true and brave American hero.

It's easy to say that now because, as the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20. In remembering the legend, how many of you have truly considered the struggles of the man behind them? How would you have viewed this event had it been happening right in front of your face? It's easy to say you would support Paul Revere now, but if you had lived back then, there's a good chance you didn't want to associate with him. Odds are you would turn your back on him.

"Not me," your inner voice assures you as you read this. "I would've supported all of the American patriots. I know I would've."

Well, let's just put that to a little test, shall we?

Let's assume that I'm correct in saying that you are in control of your life. Any self-help book worth it's salt could convince you this is true, or you could just ask any successful person. Although there's no defined scientific way of stating it, with all evidence available today, let's just assume it as fact. This now brings truth to the old adage, "Wherever you go, there you are," which is a simple way of stating that you are always you no matter what happens outside of you.

Now, stay with me here, but bundle all of this with the concept of time travel, (although, not as presented in pop culture) and let's make up a hypothetical situation:

If you were born in 1700's North America, how would you have acted toward the American Revolution? The answer I present to you is this. You would have acted the same way toward it that you act toward Anonymous right now. If you have not been supporting Anonymous, then you would not have supported Paul Revere.

I know this because Anonymous simply exists as an ideal to light the path for all citizens of the world to unite and be free. Anonymous does not act out of maliciousness or malcontent. Anonymous acts out of a passion for complete freedom of life that can not be extinguished. Anonymous understands that as human beings, our greatest power is love. Anonymous has taken a stand where no one else would've dared.

This again brings me to ask you, as a free citizen of a democratic nation in which not only our forefathers, but many of our fathers and ourselves have fought to protect, a simple question...If you are willing to express your pride for Paul Revere through the safe distance of time, why are you so scared to stand up and do so right now? What excuse will you come up with? The same ones Paul Revere's neighbors probably did when they shunned him because they're just average working peasants. It's not up to them to take action.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...actions speak louder than words, my friends...

I know what I'd do, because I've stood for myself, and I continue to stand on my own 2 feet as a man. I hope you can say the same for yourself in your own lives.

...I truly do...

About the Author - Brian Penny creates music under the name Mr. Versable. He tweets under the name @Versability. He believes in true love[Image], and won't rest until he's found his...oh, and his last blog cost Bank of America a whole lotta dough although I'm not pointing fingers, but the typos weren't mine...! Peace and love! haha ;)

The Tao of Penny

What are the white fluffy things in the sky?


They're ghosts of all the sperm discharged into toilets, socks, tissues, and sorority girls stalking the world and unleashing vengeance upon the most guilty. That's why hurricanes always hit places where old folks live, eh? That's also why people rarely get hit by lightning twice...most people learn their lesson the first time...

What People Are Really Thinking - Dating IV

The below is an unscripted and mildly edited (for identity sake) email excerpt from my dating project. 

Each time, I ask the woman directly up front to tell me what problems she's been having in her love life, letting her know I would provide an honest answer from my heart.

This came from a Goldie Hawn. You know the type...nice girl, fantastic smile, great heart...just gets herself in trouble helping people.

July 10 

She said:

Lol I have to say your approach is definitely very interesting


I know


...Well I will tell you one thing that bothers me since you asked 


Of course


I don't like the fact that guys use a dating website when they clearly do not want to date but only to hook up. I went out with this guy the other night, and he is leaving in a week, moving to Philly....Clearly he can't start a relationship with anyone. Why not just go to a bar and waste someone else's time? Plus I asked if he wanted to split the bill, and he said well...only if you want to.....he is supposed to say no way I'm going to let you pay...


Editor's Note - I'm not entirely sure whether I understood the correct meaning from the punctuation, but I assumed she meant - 


"He is supposed to say, 'No way, I'm going to let you pay.'"

...and he is still texting me to hang out again. What is up with that?

RE:

:) Thanks!, ok, so here's why he was thinking what he was thinking first, then I'll tell you the what. Philly guy has 0 confidence. Nobody taught him how to make the move. Dad never gave him the birds and bees, more than likely because he didn't know the answer himself. 

Anywho, Philly gets rejected all the time, and all he's trying to do is find some girl that'll have sex with him so he can relax, stop stressing, etc...after that, you'll get to meet the real him, which could honestly be a great guy or a complete asshole. Nobody knows because he was a coward. That's also why he's unsure of how the bill works. Philly doesn't date much. He probably had a relationship or 2 last throughout most of his sexual life, so he has NO idea how to talk to a girl. He's desperate for a girl to pay attention to him because one probably hasn't since his last GF however long ago that was.

Also, you have to at least somewhat understand that this is partially your fault too (I'll get to that in a second), and in Philly's defense, online dating is difficult to get used to. There's not as bad of a stigma against online dating anymore, but he's gotta struggle with being too open in his profile. Then he's gotta worry about figuring out something to say based on the generic profiles that all blend together and say the same thing after a while (because of the previous point). Then his email sits in an inbox full enough to compete with St. Nick the week before Christmas. Then he's gotta figure out (online with maybe 2 minutes' worth of conversation and no way of reading your face), which part of him will impress you without seeming creepy, comes off breezy and not forced, all these rules to pay attention, what to do, what to do, etc...

Whew...that's exhausting...but yeah, in short, guys are pussies.

As for the bill splitting. Here's the thing. I was paying for all of my first dates for 7 months. During that timeframe, I dated 30 women off the web alone. Every night I wasn't on an online date, I was out at the bars and clubs actually talking to every female that was dumb enough to make eye contact with me, asking them frankly what it is women want. Then I'd walk up to a girl, test the reaction, go until I fail, and find another girl to tell me why that happened. 

The point is that dating takes practice, so you gotta go on a LOT of first dates before you really start to understand who it is you're truly looking for. This guy would've been clingy, because he couldn't just man up and say it, but split the fucking check. We're in a bad economy. I know...I used to track foreclosures for all the mortgage companies before I grew a conscience and decided to forcefully flush 7 years of my life down the toilet, haha

Anyway, here's my dating advice to you:

1) Stop looking to settle down. When you think that you want a relationship, you become a magnet for guys who still reak of their previous relationships. This is how it's your fault. Focus on your internal growth. Focus on decided what's truly important to you. Write out what it is you want out of life. Decide what you can and can't live without, what makes you passionate, etc.

When you become the person you want to be (or rather, when you start realizing that YOU are the person you want to be), then the perfect man will just be there. I know it sounds stupid, but the more confident you are and the more you try, the better it'll be

2) Don't settle for anything in a guy you don't like. Completely trust your instincts. If something seems off, it is. Don't feel bad about continuing to search. Don't get frustrated. Don't feel like a bitch, etc.

On the flip side to that, the only way to not get frustrated is to be confident and have fun, but the only way to do that is to not be frustrated, and the only way to do that is to have success toward your goals...so if you still can't shake the idea of wanting to find someone to settle down with, then at least focus your thoughts on gaining confidence the guy way (by taking full control of your sex life, which right now, you don't have).

3) Once you're sure of what you want out of life, and you've got the confidence to actually utilize your sexuality the way you were meant to, you'll bump into the lovechild of Brad Pitt and David Bekham (Daniel Tosh's stand up is HILARIOUS, by the way) and feel like a Disney princess for the rest of your life.

About the Author - Brian Penny creates music under the name Mr. Versable. He tweets under the name @Versability. He believes in true love[Image], and won't rest until he's found his...oh, and his last blog cost Bank of America a whole lotta dough although I'm not pointing fingers, but the typos weren't mine...! Peace and love! haha ;)

What People Are Really Thinking - Dating III

The below is an unscripted and mildly edited (for identity sake) email excerpt from my Match.com project. 

Each time, I ask the woman directly up front to tell me what problems she's been having in her love life, letting her know I would provide an honest answer from my heart. 

This came from a Working Girl*. She got divorced last year, and has a peaceful shared custody with her ex.

July 10 

She said:

I have so many questions about men. They're more about specific men though, so it may be hard to anwser for u, seeing how you dont know them... Maybe you can answer because u know their type :) lets have some fun, Vern. I can call you Vern right? It is easier to say than Mr. Versability. 

Honestly I kinda feel like I have men figured out :) You guys aren't nearly as complicated as us women... I think about switching over then remember how much harder the other side would be. Haha lately the type of guy I've been attracting is the one with no backbone. They know what they want, but would never say it in fear of being shot down. They let all women walk all over them, and in the end arent happy and wonder why... 

What do u think attracts these men? My last 2 bfs and another guy I just dated were all like that. If I didn't know better, I'd say they wanted to be the woman in the relationship. I'm so easy to get along with and super nice to everyone, but sometimes I want to be told what to do and maybe get thrown around (not in a mean way). I need a man. What bait should I use? What I've been usin isn't working!

RE:

Holy Cow, that's a lotta questions! First, every guy is the same with no exceptions, haha. There are exceptions, but there's also people who win the lottery. It doesn't mean the winning ticket is in your hand ;)

It turns out men in today's society are complete pussies. I know that word is a bit crass, but seriously, haha. Meeting a girl is as easy as being yourself. It's not like it's a huge secret. People say it all the time. It seems to be a bit harder for the male side on this one though.

The problem for most guys I know is that they get rejected a few times, or they have a few bad relationships (ALL of which, could've and still could work if both people actually worked at it mutually), so they end up feeling bad about themselves, etc, etc...the same heartbreak you get when it happens to you. You go through the stages (anger, tears, "I'll find someone better" and all the usual rigamarole), and then decide to go back out and try again (you seem like a "within 24 hour" kinda broad to me). 

The problem is that you can just get up and get back on the horse by showing up in public again. As long as you got ready and have an acceptable shape, there's not a guy out there who cares why you're upset beyond being ecstatic that "what's wrong?" is now a viable pickup line because the chicken shit couldn't come up with anything else. 

A guy, on the other hand, has to get his confidence back up. This comes naturally once he's had a couple of successes, but to get there, he has to fake the funk by thinking in his head "I'm going to just find a girl I can fuck" at which point you come along, instinctively sensing the confidence (by now I'm assuming you've got a pretty sharp instinct for fake confidence unless the force is strong with them or you're just in an emotionally retarded place at the time), and end up giving those guys exactly what they want, which allows them to lower the wall and become the wishy-washy, I-don't-know-what-I-want-out-of-life, no direction, no motivation, spineless white or blue collar zombie who will follow you around like Pepe Lepew* (I'm sure I spelled that wrong) chasing that poor cat on those Loony Toon crime reenactments* my parents used to make me watch till the 20 year cycle where the FCC realized all Saturday cartoons are inspired by acid trips and weed came by and the thing got replaced by more cartoons of kids chasing down imaginary critters.

My honest opinion for what attracts those guys is that you're "girl-next-door" pretty and, being from the Midwest, I imagine you have WAY less of an attitude in person. By being a genuinely good person, you're attracting the wishy-washy "I need to prove my masculinity to my friends/parents/you/the world-" type guys because you're more approachable than the porn-star-pretty girls with attitudes that all but the uber-confident fear. Basically Ug drink till dizzy and only one girl smiling at me. 

Your politeness will be mistaken for flirting all the time, by the way, because people just aren't very polite at the trendy places around here, and guys just aren't used to eye contact, much less a smile. We have literally no receptors for anything aside from complete brash directness.

Haha, funny you mentioned wanting to be thrown around too. I wrote an article for one of my blogs the other day about how sometimes the "nice guy" thing to do is to hold a girl you just met up against a wall, talk to her like a Vietnamese hooker, and bang her as forcefully as you can because it's one of the VERY FEW things a guy can provide a woman that she can't do to herself. 

Fact is, few guys have the balls to provide that without you having to egg them on (which COMPLETELY defeats the purpose of having your brains f*cked out) so you're better off either doing what you're doing with your toys at home BEFORE the date so you're relaxed (a tried and true relaxation method used by guys) and have your moment of enhanced mental clarity on the first date. 

You'll have a way better time that way. You'll speak your mind way more than you think you are (which by the way, is another reason you get clingy guys...you yourself are walking a line so as not to offend them), and you'll be a lot more loosened up.

Get used to having a bunch of first dates. Guys all suck. They all get clingy, and ESPECIALLY after you sleep with them, because (and I promise this actually does work out mathematically) odds are stacked in your favor that you've had more sexual partners than the guy you're on a date with. Instead of waiting to taking charge until you've gotten frustrated with the relationship, start taking charge from the start. Don't hide behind the "people will think I'm bossy" garbage and if you don't like something a guy says, tell him. 

Be the guy you want. Know what you want, be confident about who you are and how capable you are in life, and the aura of confidence will attract the type of guy you want. He'll be drawn to you. Just don't rush it. Trust your instincts. When it's wrong, it's wrong, and it's best to get out quick so you don't waste 10 years of your life in relationships with the wrong ones!

Oh...and until you do find that guy, have whatever fun you want on those dates. It's not like all the guys meet up at the end of the day to discuss who puts out. If you know the guy won't work out, but you're in the mood, go home with him. Hell, you can even kiss him goodnight (or awkward side hug or handshake if it went THAT bad) in the parking lot of wherever you met, then go back in to find some other guy to randomly pick up. Have you ever just gone somewhere solo and picked someone up or competed? I highly recommend it.

Anywho, have a good one, and let me know if anything else comes up.

About the Author - Brian Penny creates music under the name Mr. Versable. He tweets under the name @Versability. He believes in true love[Image], and won't rest until he's found his...oh, and his last blog cost Bank of America a whole lotta dough although I'm not pointing fingers, but the typos weren't mine...! Peace and love! haha ;)

What People Are Really Thinking - Dating II

The below is an unscripted and mildly edited (for identity sake) email excerpt from my Match.com project. 

Each time, I ask the woman directly up front to tell me what problems she's been having in her love life, letting her know I would provide an honest answer from my heart. 

This came from a complete Betty*

July 10 

She said:

Haha thanks for the offer im sure i can think of a couple of things i wouldnt mind a mans point of on. Out of curiosity :) do u send this email to a lot of women? Have you gotten any good question?

RE:
haha, oh come on now! You get the opportunity to ask a guy any question, and you go with "I bet you say that to all the girls" for your first question?!?!?!

Wow...so like if you rubbed a lamp and a genie popped out, your first wish would be for more wishes, wouldn't it? No wait, I guess your question would better equate to wishing for a spoon or some other rubbish.

I did just start mass texting it about 20 minutes ago, and you're my 2nd so far, and I'm sure you'll be far from the last despite me being one more bad punctuation mark away from sounding like one of those spam guys asking you to buy a Prince CD or whatever those emails are about. I tend not to open emails from my bank that have exclamation points in the subject line because they tend to never actually do that, so I have no idea what those emails are actually about. 

Oddly enough your question was much better than the last girl's...well, in her defense, she was only 21 and wondering why every guy she dates is either nice but uninterested in her, or interested and a clingy douche. I explained to her that it's because right now her instincts are off.

The "uninterested" guys are just shy, and they're just as needy as the confident douche bags in the 21-25 range she was looking in and probably sees everywhere. I told her she can either look in the late 20's or older, where she at least has the luxury of judging them by their passion and direction, but she's best off just being herself, finding a fuck buddy she can trust, and enjoying going out alone and learning how to take control of a room just off her sexuality.

Haha, let's see those Match scam artists I saw on 20/20 provide that kinda insight! ;)

What else ya got?

About the Author - Brian Penny creates music under the name Mr. Versable. He tweets under the name @Versability. He believes in true love[Image], and won't rest until he's found his...oh, and his last blog cost Bank of America a whole lotta dough although I'm not pointing fingers, but the typos weren't mine...! Peace and love! haha ;)