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Friday, September 16

How to Ruin a Perfectly Bad Day


Yesterday I had what should have been the worst day of my life, but people kept ruining it...As the American economy continues it's downward spiral, I figure I'm not the only person going through this bullshit. I decided to dissect how the day unfolded to pinpoint the differences between a good and a bad day:

9:00am - Woke up still drunk from the night before, with horrible karaoke ringing in my ears. I have an interview at 10, so I've gotta rush through a shower, brushing my teeth, and shaving to look presentable. No time to iron, so I throw on the least wrinkled shirt I can find and match a tie to it...Even with a Twitter/Facebook/email obsession check, I take a swig from the corked bottle of port wine on my desk and am on the road in plenty of time to be 5 minutes early for my job interview...Not a bad deal.

10:00am - This guy obviously does not do many interviews. At times I'm holding his hand through the proper questions, while at others giving obligatory answers to the more contrite questions (i.e. Q: "Do you think you can do this job?" A: "I think I could do this job if I were 10 years old."). Regardless I got the job, which, as much as I hated taking it, I needed to solve a few of the short term problems I've been dealing with lately, and the income (although ridiculously low) will go a long way in helping. I start next week.

11:00am - Get home (driving like a grandpa because my back tire now only has 3 out of 5 lugnuts holding it in place) to find my roommate strangely awake before 2pm and telling me the power is out in the most passive aggresive way he can. We've known for a week it was going to happen, and here's how: I stood up to the banks and blew the whistle on some of the biggest scams in history being perpetrated against the American public. Because of this, one particular bank has attempted to smear my name and discredit me in every way they possibly can, to include filing a false bomb charge against me in a failed attempt to have me falsey imprisoned, planting fake stories about me in the media to bully me into backing down from exposing them, sending "corrected" wage forms to the IRS to send them breathing down my neck, and many more legally questionable activities. In my fight against the banks, I've picked up a few bad habits (at various times - drugs, alcohol, smoking) and overreached my budget for the year based on unemployment, pension, my 401k, savings, etc. Despite my idiocy, I still managed to last 10 months, but that doesn't change the fact that I essentially failed and now get to spend a week sitting in a house with no power.

11:30am - I call the electric company to apologize for not being able to cover the bounced check (for the third time this week), and to find out why the power was completely shut off rather than a limiter being placed on it. The woman's response was, "You're supposed to pay your bill when you receive a delinquency notice." ...and now this bitch's rudeness has gotten on my bad side. I find out how much money I owe, ask what options I have, what forms of payment are accepted, office hours, etc, then proceed to decribe to her in detail how many ways in which she is more than welcome to fuck herself...

11:45am - I'm sitting in my room trying to figure out if I should sell some of my stuff to pay the bill or just wait it out. I'm a bit depressed, and now hungover from drinking the night before. I now know how people must feel when they hit rock bottom and don't know what else to do. I'm not going to ask for any money from my family or friends. This is my fight, and my decisions brought me to where I'm at, so I'm not allowing anyone to shoulder the burden for me. I catch myself thinking "This is the worst day of my life" and decide right then and there that I'm not going to remember today like that. I immediately began working on changing my disposition. The first thing I did was scroll through my cell phone contacts, found the most drop dead gorgeous girl I could find in there, and sent the following text - "I just got home from a job interview and my power is shut off. I can't afford to pay it until next week...A naked picture would go a long way in cheering me up right now..."

12:30pm - After a bit of witty rapport with the hot chick, I get the picture I was hoping for. Now this isn't the day my power went out...this is the day I stood firmly on rock bottom with a smile on my face. I was brutally honest about my situation, made a girl laugh, and was given a treat for my efforts. The outlook is already getting brighter.

1:00pm - My roommate and I laugh about all the dumb things we've been doing to keep our mind off the blazing Phoenix heat without cable and internet. We laugh really hard at the situation, and I let him know the reality of our options.

1:30pm - I make sure my cats are ok and talk to my neighbor about storing food at his house so it doesn't spoil while the electricity is out. I clean the house to prevent the inevitable smell from overheating, open the windows upstairs to create as much of a crossbreeze as possible, and take inventory of everything we own that can be used without power. Throughout everything, I'm keeping my spirits up on Twitter. I find an emergency utility assistance place, but when I called, they said they're a few days behind, and I feel so bad for those other people that I decide not to use them. I'm not delaying anyone's emergency for a small inconvenience of mine.

3:30pm - My phone and laptop batteries are nearly dead, and I'm 2 hours away from my neighbor getting off work, so I take a nap, waking up at least 3 times drenched in sweat and having to spray myself with a water bottle to cool off.

6:00pm - My roommate and I wake up and head to my neighbor's house to camp out for a bit. I get a call from a girl I had a fling with in the past. She's having just as bad of a day as I am (figures) for different reasons, and despite how much I hate her with a passion, she's very persistant about wanting to take me out for a drink, and I really could use the company so I begrudgingly accept. She's coming over in a few hours, and to kill time until then, we're having a movie night.

8:00pm - "The Bitch" arrives, and we go out to a nearby bar to hang out for a bit. She's somewhat happy. Maybe she's changed. Maybe she's not going to pick a fight this time...I was wrong, but I'm still going to bring her home to fuck her in my house. Today is now going to be the day I had an amazing sex session in my house while the power was out. It's amazing what I can accomplish with nothing.

1:00am - The sex wasn't what I hoped. I just wasn't there emotionally. I'm not that guy I want to be who can live in the moment and not care about the other person's feelings. I can't stop thinking about the elderly women earlier this week that comitted suicide over her foreclosure/eviction because none of us who could've helped her noticed in time. While this is going on in my head, the girl is getting frustrated and reminding me of how much it sucks being in my house without a/c or lights. She talked shit about my friends and family...told me nobody cares...and in return, I kicked her out of my house and threw her purse out the door after her.

This is what my life is like. For better or worse, this is who I am, and I don't care who knows. I'd rather fail as an honest man than live a lie of any kind. I'm still alive, and I'm still very much focused on the prize. Yesterday is just another story in a sea of millions...

Until next time...stay cool...I'm doing my best to find ways to do that myself...I hope Day 2 without power is just as much fun as Day 1 was... 

About the Author - Brian Penny creates music under the name Mr. Versable. He tweets under the name @Versability. He believes in true love[Image], and won't rest until he's found his...oh, and his last blog cost Bank of America a whole lotta dough although I'm not pointing fingers, but the typos weren't mine...! Peace and love! haha ;)

1 comment:

  1. And those are the stories you will remember. I was homeless for a summer and years later, I've forgotten all the bad things about it. The experience didn't break me so I had the choice of what to carry forward.

    Your stories are more valuable than anything else you own. They are your emotional currency and this is just more in the bank.

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